Turning 30 is no easy feat.
You may feel overwhelmed, confused, and lost. It’s easy to feel like you aren’t exactly where you want to be or unsure about your next steps.
I want you to know - this is totally okay and you are not alone.
But if you don’t address these feelings, they can lead to indecision, insecurity, frustration, shame, and fear.
These negative emotions can lead to decision paralysis, which stops you from moving forward.
In our thirties, it’s lonely when you’re lost. This loneliness often intensifies as you watch your friends go through different stages in their own lives.
From the outside looking in, your life may seem amazing, too. It’s easy to feel like you’re being ungrateful, or tell yourself things like “I don’t have the right to feel upset because my life isn’t where I want it to be…I have so much to be thankful for!”
Sound familiar?
I want to reassure you - it’s completely normal to feel this way. It's so normal in fact, that my whole business is based on it! After experiencing my own confusion and feeling lost at 29, I decided to coach people that felt lost and stuck as they approach 30.
There is relief in admitting that feeling stuck at 30 is tough, it’s normal, and that you need support.
So if you’re ready to start being proactive about making your 30s your best decade yet, these are the three steps you need to take to reflect, accept and take action. Remember, these steps aren’t necessarily linear and can happen in different areas and phases of your life.
Let’s dive in!
My 3-Step Proven Process to Create Genuine Change
1. Reflect on your past, present, and future.
It’s normal to want to jump into taking action when you’re ready to change your life. You feel SO impatient that you just want to start making changes and take the next step.
Try to remember that the first two steps, reflect and accept, are just as important as the third.
It takes time to come into full awareness.
You can’t just pinpoint where you want to go if you aren’t clear where you are right now.
Reflecting doesn’t necessarily mean sitting in silence for hours doing a deep dive into your entire past.
Spend some time asking yourself the right questions so you understand where you are right now...and how to move forward into the future.
Here are some questions that I’ve developed to help you reflect on your past:
What were the best parts of your 20s?
What were the worst parts?
What were your key failures?
What were your key successes?
What were the lessons that you've learned about yourself during this time?
What would you do differently based on what you've learned about yourself up until this point?
Try these questions to understand the present:
How do you feel right now about this part of your life?
What has been holding you back from making changes and taking action?
What are some limiting beliefs you have about yourself at this age?
What are stories that you tell about yourself about the different areas in your life?
Now think about your future:
Where do you see yourself in the next six months?
Where do you see yourself in the next year?
What do you truly want for yourself?
What values are important for you to build these next stages?
Take the time you need to dig into these reflection questions before you move onto acceptance and taking action.
And even if you don't get to the second or third step, reflection on its own will help you move forward and make serious changes!
2. Accept your past and present.
After reflecting, you may feel ready to jump in and take action.
Don’t.
Acceptance can feel irrelevant when you’ve already reflected on your past, present, and future. But skipping this step can create long-term effects that hinder step three, taking action.
If you were building a house, you wouldn’t build it on a rocky foundation. And let’s say you do, it might remain stable when building the first floor. But it would DEFINITELY collapse once you reach the second and third.
Your house didn’t stand a chance. It was rocky from the beginning.
And if an earthquake rocked the earth’s core, your house would definitely shatter.
Think of this analogy when you’re trying to rush your own transformation.
A rocky foundation is just like trying to build your next chapter based on negative emotions like anger, frustration, and resentment.
You can’t force acceptance, it takes practice.
Practice accepting and letting go of the resentment and anger that you feel towards your past. This is how you build a really strong and steady foundation for long-lasting changes.
Now, you’re ready to take action.
3. Take action towards your future.
This is the fun part!
You’ve reflected and accepted the past and your present. You are now ready to determine where you want to go.
It’s time to become the person you’ve always wanted to be.
Honestly, you’re already in action. You read this blog post, maybe you follow my page or listen to my Turning 30 Podcast.
If you’re reading this content, you’re already making a change. You’re in the process of becoming a new version of yourself. Show yourself some love.
Remember, creating genuine change isn’t a linear process for everyone.
Some need to take action which leads to reflection and eventually acceptance.
How you reach the point of taking action is the least important step, but it can be extremely transformative.
There are two different coaching concepts that I want you to consider:
1. The Future You
This concept is game-changing since it can really define your next chapter. It’s time to think about who you want to be in the future.
Who is that version of yourself?
What do you do?
What decisions do you make daily?
What does your life look like?
What emotions do you have to experience to become this person?
What are your thoughts?
When you are finished answering these questions, go out and embody this person.
Here’s a tip:
You are already this person. You just need to understand how the “future you” thinks, feels, and behaves in order to reach that next step.
That’s how we activate the second concept, the confidence loop.
2. The Confidence Loop
This concept is simple. It’s the generator that drives all your actions to become the future version of yourself. Taking action builds your confidence which drives you to take more action. It’s a loop that powers itself again and again. To read the full blog post on the Confidence Loop click here!
This 3-step process is the exact one I use when working with my 1:1 clients and in my group programs. Each step is crucial to becoming a new version of yourself, so try not to skip them.
Remember, the order doesn’t matter but the work must be done to truly embody the person you are becoming.
Want MORE coaching questions and journaling prompts to navigate your 30s? Download my FREE Turning 30 Journaling Guide here.
With Love,
-Em